you got through the year alive and you haven't gotten hurt and you managed to stay a great friend and a cool person so i think that's somethin, eh? i understand that it doesn't feel very good or like you accomplished anything, but from what i've been seeing i think that's something a lot of people have felt this year... nevertheless hope you have a good night.
aw thank you narf you’re the best!! i mean that. thank you.
And I want to scream out that it all is nonsense. All your lives one track, can’t you see it’s pointless? But then, my knees give under me. My head feels weak and suddenly it is clear to see that it is not them but me, who has lost my self-identity. As I hide behind these books I read, while scribbling my poetry, like art could save a wretch like me, with some ideal ideology that no one can hope to achieve. And I am never real; it is just a sketch of me. And everything I made is trite and cheap and a waste of paint, of tape, of time.
okay not so much anymore, i’ve calmed down, but i gave aloysius 6 dollars to get me a pizza from little caesars (five for the pizza, one for convenience ‘cause because he and chaney were going off campus and gas and stuff) and i was in the animation room when he came back, i told him that’s where i would be, and he hardly makes an effort to contact me. he doesn’t call me or look for me. i wasn’t out by the tables, nate calls me but i didn’t know because my phone was on silent, and so what does he do?
he sells off my pizza. he sold half of it for a dollar a slice and rachel buys the last half of it so i can get my fricking pizza and i didn’t even know because APPARENTLY the deal was that one waits outside at the tables because that’s what happened all the other times (read: one time) and everyone else was waiting there (because they sit there) but he never SPECIFIED that and i’m not getting my money back and so he made like 10 dollars off the pizza and i’m just so ANGRY
and that all happened in like a span of like ten minutes? nate’s call was at 11:55 and rachel gave me the pizza at 12:00 so
i knew he was an asshole but jesus FUCKIGN christ i’m really mad and it doesn’t help that i was still dealing with residual grumpiness from last night and was tired sdlkfsdjal
my social studies teacher once told us “human beings are the most selfish of all. even when someone dies, you shed tears only because they are no more around to provide you with whatever they had been for so long”
and it has been 3 years since she said this and this is still what i think about at night
[6:26:15 PM] Joshua Reed: Genevieve, I’m sorry. I really don’t want to do this, for I know what your answer already is… And I may or may not be alive tomorrow… I don’t know. But I’m giving you two choices. 1) Let me talk to them. 2) It’s over. Forever. No tomorrow for us. Never again shall I talk to you… At all. And I might kill myself. That’s a very fair assumption of what will happen. Does my life matter more to you than fear of getting your phone taken away for a few months? If it doesn’t, I must be a terrible person and truly deserve death.[6:32:22 PM] Meena Mii: You’re not going to fucking kill yourself. There’s no fucking way you’re threatening with that.
[6:32:54 PM] Joshua Reed: My heart hurts Genevieve. You’ve already killed me. It’s just a matter of physically doing it. To erase that pain. [6:33:03 PM] Joshua Reed: I might. Honestly…. I’m sorry. [6:33:09 PM] Meena Mii: Do. Not. [6:33:20 PM] Joshua Reed: Is that your answer then? [6:33:41 PM] Meena Mii: I still won’t. But you’re not fucking going to kill yourself. [6:33:47 PM] Joshua Reed: Good bye Genevieve. [6:33:49 PM] Meena Mii: Josh. [6:33:51 PM] Meena Mii: Joshua. [6:34:01 PM] Meena Mii: I swear to god [6:34:03 PM] Meena Mii: Josh [6:34:04 PM] Meena Mii: JOSH
THE LAST THREE MESSAGES DIDN’T SEND WHICH MEANS HE’S OFFLINE NOT INVISIBLE FUCK